During my training runs I spend my time thinking about all sorts of things.  Most recently I have been thinking about skills I believe are important to a successful life.  I googled and discovered the World Health Organization, UNICEF, and UNESCO have identified the ten most important life skills.  (Apparently I wasn’t the only one thinking about this.).  Their list included self-awareness; empathy; critical thinking; creative thinking; decision-making; problem solving; effective communication; interpersonal relationships; coping with stress; and coping with emotions.  While these skills are undeniably important, there is one more I feel should be added to this list because, while it is covered in some of these, it is unique in its own way.  That skill is the ability to cope with loss.

Loss is defined by Meriam-Webster as “the harm or privation resulting from being separated from someone or something.”  Loss is ubiquitous and guaranteed. Loss can take many forms.  In our lives we lose friends who move away or, in some cases, as a result of disputes. We lose boyfriends or girlfriends in our romantic relationships.  We might lose a cherished possession such as a special item given to us as a gift.  Athletes can lose their physical ability in career ending injuries.  And all of us lose loved ones to death.  No one can escape loss.  How we respond to losses in life can lead to growth or, for some, ruin.  There seems to be no how-to book on dealing with loss.

“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”
— Dr. Seuss

Some people channel their loss into becoming athletes.  Juliana Buhring is a British-German who, along with her 3 sisters, was abandoned by her parents at age 4 to the cult “Children of God”.  Juliana and her sisters escaped the cult and wrote the book “Not Without My Sisters” documenting how they were abused and betrayed.  While living in Africa, Juliana met Hendrik Coetzee, a South African outdoorsman and guide.  They planned to start a life together after his last guide trip.  On his last trip in 2010 Hendrik was killed by a crocodile on the Nile.  Juliana struggled with depression – from the trauma of her lost childhood to losing the man she loved.  She was looking for something to focus on.  Although she had never really ridden a bike before, in 2011 she decided to bicycle around the world to raise money for the Safe Passage Foundation which helps the recovery and support of people raised in the restrictive isolation of cults.  Juliana said “By the time I come back, I will be a good cyclist.  If I come back.”  It took her 152 days to cover 18,063 miles through 19 countries over 4 continents.  She averaged 125 miles per day.  She wrote about her incredible cycling feat in her book “This Road I Ride.”   From loss Juliana rose to become one of the best female ultra-endurance cyclists in the world.

Jacky Hunt-Broersma is another person who took loss and turned it into a personal win.  At age 26 Jacky lost part of her left leg to Ewing Sarcoma, a rare cancer that usually affects children.  When she turned 40, she took up running.  She was not a runner before she became an amputee.  Those first few races were a challenge but Jacky pushed through.  As her running improved she got fitted for a running blade and set her goals higher.  She quickly progressed from 5Ks to ultra-marathons.  The first mile of any run is a challenge as sweating can cause her blade to slide off.  I watched her on Instagram as she ran 100 miles on a treadmill during COVID to make up for a race that was canceled.  Jacky ran 104 marathons in 104 days, setting a new Guinness World Record.  I admire Jacky for not giving up because of the loss of her leg.  Her motto is “I can do hard things.” 

Justin Grunewald is a doctor who was married to an elite runner, Gabriele Anderson Grunewald (known as Gabe in the running world).  Gabe was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, adenoid cystic carcinoma, that ultimately took her life.  Before Gabe died, she and Justin started the Brave Like Gabe Foundation to fund research and raise awareness of rare cancers.  Justin became more physically active in the fundraising races the Foundation sponsored after she died.  He didn’t know if he could continue to practice medicine when he wasn’t able to cure the person he cared for the most.  Justin provides some of the best insight and advice on dealing with loss.  As he learned from the loss of his wife “At some point we will all be on the verge of losing hope.  It’s what you do after that point that really matters.” Justin started to focus on ultra-marathons.  It was in this journey he fell in love with another ultra runner.  They now have two children together but the Brave Like Gabe Foundation is still a focus for him.  Justin believes “with great loss, there is gain.”  He kept moving and he found a new purpose.

One of my running heroes is Kara Goucher.  Kara was diagnosed recently with the neurological condition runner’s dystonia.  Eventually Kara will lose the ability to run and will struggle to walk.  For a professional athlete this was a huge blow.  I watched as Kara came to terms with her diagnosis.  Kara said it’s “frustrating when our bodies don’t work the way they used to but it doesn’t make us less.”  She continues to define a new life around her condition and in doing so, she keeps moving as best she can.

Last spring I found myself sinking.  In just the first 3 months of this year I had suffered loss, disappointment, and sadly, betrayal (loss of trust).  I found myself struggling.  Then I remembered the one time I didn’t feel down was when I was moving.  I entered a virtual long distance race as motivation to get my mind focused on something positive.  I also decided to train for an in-person race.  I got up each day and focused on the gear I would need for my long run (on some days it was a long walk).  Moving again kept my mind from dwelling on the negatives.  I can’t say that every day has been full of rainbows but I found I was spending less time dwelling on the things that had made the first few months of this year so painful.  My feet kept me moving forward.  

According to research by Asics, a running shoe manufacturer, “it may take just 15 minutes and 9 seconds of movement to see uplifting positive mental benefits.”  Regular exercises has been proven to release “happy chemicals” in the brain. I like Justin’s philosophy.  It helped me get through a difficult period.  “You realize you have to keep moving.  Not moving on but moving forward.  If you don’t, you’ll miss out on so much future happiness and possibility.”  I have enjoyed some new adventures since I got up and started moving again.  Movement was the cure for my loss.

"I hope people see that you can still make something beautiful and powerful out of a bad situation" 
- Gabriele Anderson Grunewald

I have run to fundraise for the Brave Like Gabe Foundation. Their mission is to support rare cancer research and empower all cancer survivors through physical activity. Hope is at the heart of everything they do. You can participate in the Brave Like Gabe 5K in person or virtually on September 9, 2023. I give it two thumbs up!