Have you ever had a situation where someone told you that you weren’t capable of doing something?  Comments like this can make someone doubt their abilities to the point they don’t even try, especially if the comments come from people who are influential in your life – a family member, close friend, or even a teacher.  I realized recently some of my decisions in life have been influenced in this way.

There were many who thought my decision to take up running was a joke.  I had not distinguished myself as an athlete when I was growing up.  My non-athletic nature was something people laughed about.  The comments I received from others were discouraging. In an attempt to prove them wrong, I tried several sports but with the pre-conceived belief that I can’t – I can’t play tennis; I can’t play golf; I can’t swim; I can’t [fill in the blank].  I never stuck with anything long enough to see if I actually could.

I took up running with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training in honor of a dear friend with lymphoma.  I wasn’t convinced I could actually be a marathon runner so initially I signed up to walk a half marathon.  But my desire to achieve something everyone said I couldn’t pushed me to train to run a marathon.  With the support of the Team, I proved to my critics and, most importantly, to myself that I could.  When I crossed the finish line of my first marathon, a whole new world of adventure and achievement opened up for me.  

I joined a running group and talked to more experienced runners to learn from them.  Things that worked and those that didn’t.  All those hacks (like wearing a shower cap over your running hat if it rains) you learn through just getting out there and running.  Every time I set a goal and reached it I would set a new loftier goal.  No, I wasn’t Joan Benoit but I was having a good time.

When Transverse Myelitis (TM) popped into my life, I was once again met with “you can’t” by my neurologist.  I refused to let that diagnosis derail me from reaching the running goals I set for myself.  I knew, despite the challenges TM put in my path, I could.  My neurologist now uses me as an example for other patients like myself who led active lives up until their own TM diagnosis.  What I proved is that they still can.

As I was driving to the stable to see my new equine friend a few weeks ago, I realized I had experienced the same attitudes about having a horse.  There had been influential people who had told me that I couldn’t get a horse.  They cited all sorts of reasons, such as I didn’t grow up in a pony club like many adult riders where kids learn all about horses. I’d missed the boat so to speak. Despite how much I wanted to experience a relationship with a horse, all that negative talk convinced me I didn’t have the ability to care for a horse.  Yet here I was, driving to the stable to care for a horse, my horse (okay, he is really leased), and I was doing it well.  

I have had this horse for almost 6 months now.  I admit I am not a skilled equestrian.  I am on a steep learning curve.  I have had some unfortunate incidents as a result of my ignorance.  I can tell you I won’t make those mistakes again.  But with any new activity, you need to find mentors, teachers, supportive friends, books, and classes that can help you learn.   Trial and error is a great teacher too.  This approach helped me become a marathon runner.  It is the same approach I am using as I navigate the world of horses.  I am learning as I go.  Maybe I won’t make an Olympic equestrian team just like I won’t win a major world marathon but I can still enjoy bonding and riding my equine friend.

So if you want to be a marathon runner, or an equestrian, or whatever, don’t let the negative talk convince you that you can’t.  Find resources that can help you learn.  If you have the desire and are willing to put in the effort, you can achieve your goal.

“Being bad at something is a necessary part of becoming good at it.  Believe in your potential.  Don’t be paralyzed by self-doubt.” Rowdy Gaines